The "ish" that is my life.

Almost forgot I had this thing

2007-01-18T08:09:24Z

Its been a while since I wrote in this thing. Figure I should try and post something once every few months just at this point there is a hell of a lot to say and I have no idea where to start catching up from. The trip to Japan? The absolute HELL I dealt with in my final semester at BCC? (If I never set foot on that campus again after picking up my letters of recommendation for med-school that would mean I die happy) The wall I finally hit with living like a monk? Well first thing is first...

I started at W.P.U and in the first hour of being on campus I could feel the difference. I don't know really how to describe it. It's really just a college thing I think, or more accurately a university thing. Its funny cause I would normally thing it was just me being odd and feeling happy to be on campus if it wasn't for the fact that two girls from two different classes on campus said the same thing. Made me smile. Its nice to meet people again that think like normal people. I don't spend much time with normal people these days. Example given last xmas eve I spent the night with my step-brother, his wife, and her family. I was blown away by the fact that I was taking shots and laughing about things that were actually funny with "family" members for once. I don't know if I can remember more then a handful of times at best that I actually had fun with that side of the "family". Though the word family has always been a strange one around me. Still to digress I am so looking forward to the rest of the semester because I think I will be pretty comfortable on campus. I really need to just walk around the campus for a couple of days and get to know the ins and outs. I need to find a good study spot. It will be a busy semester but a good one. I got work on top of EMT classes that just started and then the delightful 15 creds I will have to contend with. I am so happy to have real science classes again. Should be nice once the weather warms up. Granted this has been the warmest winter on record but its still a bit nippy.

This week I sort of decided to start having fun again. Woke up in NY harbor after a very interesting night. Made a random AC run with Angilo recently. Won a nice chunk of change if I do say so. Tripling up is always nice in 45 minutes. I think I am going to take it much easier on myself this year. One of the other tellers at work keeps busting on me for a gray/silver hair she found on my head. I'm wondering if i'll turn silver like my father. Ether way its a sign that I need to lighten up. I haven't been myself really nor really relaxed much in a LONG while. I haven't really partied in a good long while ether. I think i'll start burning some cash again and have some fun. Maybe go out once a week again or something. Make like a random night outing or chill more this semester. I've been like a ghost to most of my friends. Maybe that is a good thing in one way though. Shows you just who your friends are. They were the once to come find me and that missed me. Time, the one thing that will tell you everything and anything. As long as you have the patients.

Something is missing and I am starting to feel it.

2006-10-02T03:30:43Z

As the weeks roll by things continue to be a bit odd. Things just feel off. Still I guess i'm jumping ahead. First the bad news, due to people being stupid and not really bothering to take proper care of themselves I managed to have two pregnancy scares in two months. Two days in both Sept. and Aug. where much longer then they needed to be. Thankfully they were just scares and nothing more. Baring one ex-girlfriend the rule is no glove no love. I always wear a condom but don't consider my self dumb enough to think that they are the perfect deterrent. Still good to know i'm not a dad. Thankfully thats all the bad news i've had in the last how ever long its been.

On the up side i'm gearing up for Japan and i'm excited though in disbelief that I am really going. Still I got my in country cash and my friend Mer is out there as part of the Jet program so thats cool. May spend a night at her pad. Dave seems ready for it and I think i'm going to really savor the lay over in S.F.O. Lunch with mom. Sadly the one chance to see her all year.

So all in all the last few weeks have been really good to be honest. I have cash, a week off vacation with my prof's blessing and work doesn't mind. I have my bro's offering me some of cuba's finest and they flat gave me a humidor and even filled it for me. I've got more or less everything a guy could ask for. Yet, I feel unsatisfied. Something is still missing. Last night I had a bombshell blonde giving me a full back massage, I hit up the yankee's game and had lower deck thrid base line seats, what the fuck is messing with me? I can only think that a large part of it is the fact that I am still living at home. It really eats at me. I should move out but I don't want to move out only to end up back at home, its both impractical and depressing in the long run. Maybe the whole graduation and trasfer thing is eatting at me. I need something at this point, and while I have no clue as per what it is something tells me its ether a place of my own or a girlfriend. Enjoyable as things have been its like going to woodstock but the music is turned way down. I don't feel alive i'm just living.

I need to start booking my own fun again. Japan was a gift from Dave but I think the old man knew damn well that if the offer was real I was taking it. While I can't put my finger on the detail that is causing me to feel like a walking zombie in my own life I bet its the folk coupled with the fact that I haven't really been meeting anyone new lately. That or the people I do meet are deeply disturbing. Maybe this trip is just what I need. A change is needed from time to time to show you what your really like. I've been living under someone else's rules for so long now,(about two years.) that I forgot what I am or even for that matter what I like. I feel like a shell of my old self. Guess i'll figure this out next week. In the meanwhile I need sleep.

A summer end's recap.

2006-08-30T10:01:45Z

Its been an interesting summer after all it seems. I don't know where to begin because I am a bit behind on updating this thing but hell i'll do the best I can considering but a hell of a lot has happened and i'm not sure i'm going to get the chronological order of this straight to be honest. I think it best to start some place near where I left off.

Working at the bank is nice. It has a lot of down time and the work seem pretty mindless once you get the hang of it. The people are also pretty cool even though two girls there I might have to conceivably kill at some point. The first girl cause she is "Dirty D's" evil twin and the other for being quit possibly the dumbest person alive. How is a born-again(or as she put it alternative christian) pro-choice and in to drugs. Why is this woman fighting me when I say a woman would be just as good as a man in the white house. She says she would leave for Canada. I would add more but if you think i'm sure you can see just had bad this republican journalism major at Willie Pat is. On the up side everyone is more or less my age which is nice cause all we seem to do is sit around and bullshit.

On an interesting note I got a call from Kober a few weeks ago oddly enough. She said she was throwing for one of her normal parties and invited me. I don't remember why we stopped talking to each other but it was great to hear from her. The party was just like all the old ones she used to throw. I hardly knew anyone and that was oddly comforting. A couple beers later I was mixing and mingling just like old times. I met up with Jane, and Juli as well as shell and a lot of the old crowd that I hadn't talked to in years. Was nice to catch up. Met some new people as always at her place and picked up a couple numbers which was a nice little ego boost for a few days. Found out at one point in the night though that I had been spending almost half the night hitting on a bomb shell blond that happened to be a lesbian. My luck eh? I had to laugh at my self for it. Seems I was the only dumb ass not to see that one coming. She did say though if she goes straight for some reason she is going to hunt me down. Was sweet though most likely not true. Still had fun and talked with for a while.

That following sunday I when to the bar with my head a little low. Had a rough day from my folks just hammering me for no reason as they like to do from time to time. Seems if you don't have work and your not in class while living at home its free range to call someone worthless. Still after a hard day of dealing with them and realizing that I had to wait for pay day before I had any cash the guys did one of the most touching things. We added Dutch to our crew of reg's for the Sunday night line up at Shep's. I get in to Shep's and Dutch orders a dead guy Alloy goes with tenders choice cause he likes switching it up like that and Dave takes an Ala gash white. Rich, the bar tender, looks at me and I say, "A pint of water...::room stops cold you can hear a pin drop everyone looks at me. the bar tender shoots me a look of shock::...what, I can't afford beer."
Dutch: Make it two dead guy's your not going with out a beer on my watch damn it."
Alloy: Hey Rich, I got his second round keep an extra six bucks.
Rich: Fine, but his third round is on the house.
I love these guys. Hell you really can't ask for better friends. Guys like these I lack the words to describe. Its why we call each other brothers.
Me: I love you guys.
Alloy: Aw, shut it. Quit your whining.
Me::in a sappy voice::..fuck you guys, you know really..
Alloy: HAHA! YEAH, fuck you too you son of a bitch, here's to you bro.

I have maybe five memories I will never forget this night in the bar was one of them. Dave later hit the pizza place up the block for a pie and offered me three slices. Also dutch later bough the whole bar a round. Granted only six people in the bar but fucking hell he did it.

I ended up later that week hanging out with Kober, her bf, and oakken at C.brown's and again at Augie's before she left to go back to New Mexico for her final semester. While I don't remember what the problem we had was I can't wait to go drinking with her again. She still rocks. Its funny how people are sometimes.

So what I think was most likely three weeks ago now I found myself hanging out with Alloy, as I so often do these days, and I get a call from Okken telling me that he's at some party I have to come to. I drag Alloy along and I felt like it was one of those typical townie parties. YAWN! Once again, Wayne is there any reason to stay? Well figured I had nothing better to do so might as well enjoy a beer and B.S with bogart for the night. They did have a live band which was nice. As it turns out at this party I met Shawn Dermond's little sister. A quick recap for the uninformed will tell you this was the guy back in H.S that on St. Pat's wore a kilt in to school and played the bag pipes on the front lawn as everyone was walking in to get to home room. He was also the must be big cheese on stage with me and Alloy. I can only describe him as a four year head ache that the lighting crew fucked with up and down. I couldn't believe this girl didn't know it was us that used to fuck with him and whats more funny is the fact that she always laughed when people did fuck with him because she hated him for always terrorizing her. Kid had a huge ego that wouldn't quit. Simply put he had it coming. As the live music began to get a bit off key from the drinking we decided to make move to Alloy's house for more drinks and Corrine Dermond decided to join Alloy, Oakken, and I back to Alloy's for cigars as well. I got some fun pictures from that night let me tell you. Alloy may kill me though if they get out.

These last two weeks I haven't been getting much sleep though. Most of the last two weeks i've been hanging out with Corrine because it seems that unlike her brother she is very cool and witty though completely crazy. Reminds me a bit of myself at 17. Minus the whole about to dorm on a tug boat in New York Harbor thing. I think these last two weeks I got maybe 2 hours of sleep per night thanks to her and those damn all night golf games she seems to like so much. Really I got to say it been fucking awesome! While not the kind of girl that one would want as a gf it would rock to have a girl that comes with us to the cigar lounge. Besides you have to love any girl that knows engines and handles a stick shift like a pro.

Speaking of people that rock Alex threw for his annual BBQ at his place. His dad makes the second biggest burgers on the planet. (Sorry bud but no one will ever beat Luigi's 2 lb'er) All the old valley poker crew was there for that one. Brother Jnab of course was missing sadly. Poor kid works like a dog for goldmen these days. I got to swing in to NYC one day and finally get a look at his place. From what I hear the firm set him up pretty, real pretty. I admire his 90 hour weeks and almost envy him for that. I have far too much down time and wouldn't mind a few more clock hours working for some extra party cash. As for the BBQ I kicked some serious ass in the beeroot games. For being teamed with John B. in the beer pong match up we did dam well. Semi finals in that pack of wolfs ain't half bad. Those are seasoned vet's and they don't miss much. Even when extremely drunk. Think my game has picked up a bit.

The latest with Chelse is also kind of interesting. She was down the shore all week cause her mom felt bord and decided to rent a shore house for the week on a whim. Not to bad if you ask me. Its good to have cash. Chelse spent half the week begging me to come down and enjoy the beach with her and the other half on the waves having fun. Her friend Jack is making me nuts. Jack really needs to switch to decaf and let her friend just be, and more importantly leave me be. She is a nice girl and has a nice bf but she needs to leave Oakken alone. She is really screwing up him and Chelse. I ended up hanging with Chelse in an irish pub last night for a couple pints (i drank she told me stories of the beach and had dinner) and a few laughs. I think she'll like college. She is still hoping for something but I think in the first few weeks she will find someone. She is a sweet girl, those don't stay single long.

Mix news

2006-07-24T05:16:36Z

All the waiting is finally over. Thank god. I now have the job at the bank. Woot! On the down side Alloy got fired from the bank. Aw. Its been a good and bad week or so. Good, because I know i'm in to Willie Pat. Good, because I know I am in at the bank. Bad because Dave left for C.A to live with mom. Good cause I was on a few dates more recently. Bad because I had to play the,"Lets just be friends." card. Bad, also because this week I think I may have to do some house keeping amongst my friends.

Lets start with the bad shall we? Chris made a mistake at the bank with his numbers sheet and got fired cause he came up 100 bucks short. None the less they blamed the poor kid for it and he was fired over it.

I drove Dave to the Airport yesterday morning. I'm going to miss the big goof ball. He is so mechanical in everything he does. Poor kid. I am sure he will be fine out there and he will be looking after mom which is good. I'm worried about her to. Last time she was here she seemed to get winded after only a few blocks in NYC and while she is getting older she isn't exactly that old yet. I am hoping that Dave will get her out of the house and walking a bit. She is always worried about her health but she doesn't exercise at all. Figures, the one best thing to do she skips. I know she will be fine but still I love her and I am worried. Dave's conference in Tokyo is getting closer. I really hope this all works out so I can go. I would love to see the sakura blossoms in late season. The must look breath taking.

Lastly, I know for a fact that very little in life sets me off. I can only really think of three things to be honest. One, is meaningless acts of violence. Anyone that is forceful for no reason. The last two time I hung out with Nima and tonight at my favorite pub I got smacked. Not that hard but hard enough to set me off. I think I may need to have a little chat with some people about the fact that words are fine but hit me again and be ready to step out side because I will hit back and far harder then I was just hit. I'm a simple person, easy to talk to willing to go away if asked fine with laughing at myself or my past but I draw the line at a hit for no reason. I don't care how hard. You hit me, i'll hit you back and you'll feel it. Nothing really pisses me off more then that. The second thing is hitting a girl in my presents. I don't care who you are. Hit one and deal with me once again out side. Period. Never hit a girl. I don't care what the hell she said. Last is kicking someone that is down or depressed cause someone died or something to that effect. Don't beat on someone that is already low enough. That's just cruel and un-called for. Really. I hate to bitch about this but I rather bitch then show up some place to give someone a piece of my mind and ask them to step out side. I am not a violent person. I don't care for it. Its not me. I'm a lover not a fighter. Words are words and thus are harmless. Fighting is the ultimate idiocy and lead not to answers but more problems.

Last on the bad news for this post I had to tell some poor girl that she is cute, sweet, fun, but not what I'm looking for. It is all true though. She is sweet and fun but she isn't my type sadly. A bit too clean for me. Was kind hard to tell a nice girl that. I'm used to girls that don't really tell all or girls that are a bit more shady cause they don't trust a soul on god's great creation. Its odd to have someone straight forward that plays it honest and speaks her mind with out asking. Nice but not the norm at all. I don't mean to say its what I want just not what I have come to expect. Its great to know whats going on with a girl. Maybe its why I was so honest with her.

On to good things, I am so happy about the bank gig. Yes, I know I have to wear a suit but fuck, air conditioned and heated room, Desk job, direct deposit, stock opinions and best of all bank hours! Too fucking sweet. Well ok, this bank has odd hours but I am still out by 8:30 the latest! Plus this means more money to be made in a day, HA! Good pay, good hours, good deal. As far as the college things goes who knew that Laura's mom was a prof at willie pat for senior level nursing? Eh, who knew? I am in like Ron Jeramey. The dating thing was cool to. Its nice to spend a few nights out with a cute girl having a few laughs and what not. I'll save the juicy details cause she would most likely kill me other wise but it was fun for a while and hell I got a new friend to chill with that I am looking forward to a lot of other fun nights with. Tomorrow morning I am looking to head out with my cousin on his boat for a bit of fun. I can't wait to go fishing and enjoy a victory cigar. Speaking of their was a family diner as of late. Alice cooked and it was at Jessy's place and cousin Billy showed up with his new gf to wish Dave a happy trip good bye. It was awesome. Really. We talked about grandpa and laughed about Arlene, Janis, and Helaine, it was a great time that I hope will happen again soon. It sucks having little to no family around. Depressing really, makes one feel more lonely then anything. Well other then that I got to chill more with Jordan and Dutch started joining Alloy, Hersh, and I to the bars which rocks. I so can't get enough of Kate's voice the girl that sings at one of the bars. That girl really has something. Anyhow, I am off to bed once again cause I have a drug test and a congrats letter waiting in the morning. Night all.

This is why it was all worth while.

2006-07-09T07:26:48Z

I have hit a point in my life where I am so happy that I really just have no idea what the hell to do with myself. Lets start with the fact that while I was hanging out with Chelsie the other day she looks over at me and asks if I had ever been on an ATV before. I answered no never had the chance, to which she asked if I felt like going for a ride on one. I now realize that I love anything with gears. ATVs are freaking awesome! I didn't expect her to have a spare one laying around just for laughs but fuck that rocked.

Grades came in for the semester. Ok, bad news is for summer session 1 I only pulled a 3.285. Here is the good news, that brings my cumulative up to a 3.448 because Macro was a dropped class and the B I got replaced the F, HA! I am 0.052 shy of high honors. With only 12 creds to go how will I ever make it out alive? SO FUCKING AWESOME! Funny thing about all this is that I found this out last thursday while drunk.

Thursday morning I spent hanging out with little kim doing lunch. Fun times as always. I then headed over to Dutch's place for the beer olympics. Later that night after drinking roughly 4 shots, a half cup of jagger, and god knows how many pints I asked Dutch to use his computer for a second to check if grades were finally posted. Why this was on my mind while drunk, god only knows. Needless to say, I was pretty toasted. I found out about my grades and was so happy I immediately thought, "Hey I should be celebrating!...wait I already am...and come to think of it I really need to stop." Ever been so happy about something and had no idea what to do next?

While it isn't quite set in stone yet I think I found my ticket out of the restaurant gig once and for all. Alloy recently got a job working for commerce bank. As he was giving me details about it I soon realized that he was working better hours for better pay and that the company needed more tellers. I filled out an application on-line and got called for an interview the following day. I was stunned to find that after the first interview that I got a call for a second interview in only 4 hours. I don't know any place that works that fast. The second interview is supposed to be on the 17th. Monday. I so can't wait from what I understand I am all but in since I have bank experience and a reference from a bank employee. Also another interesting thing is that while hanging out with my friend's dad one after noon, he mentioned that he knew the branch manager of the bank I am currently looking in to a job at. He told me that he would put in a good word for me because he knows her personally and the talk on a pretty regular basis. Its nice to have friends. It will be great to keep normal hours and get paid decently again.

In other news the guys and I have kicked off the list finally. A list of 12 places (3 picks per person) that we have to hit before the summer is over. Today we hit the first spot. A steak house that was quite possibly the best place I have ever had beef at. The menu is only like 12 items long but the first two are all you really need. "Our steak" weighing in at 24 oz. post grilling and "The double" weighing in at 48 oz. post grilling. I walked in to this place only kind of hungry. Had I known the steaks were this big and this good I would have walked in looking to throw down. For 20 bucks you get your dollar's worth. Post meal the four of us hit up JR's seeing how it was with in a stone's throw and we split a bottle of bin 27. I don't know if this really captures just really how great these last five days have been but I am honestly over whelmed with good news lately.

Its over...ITS FINALLY OVER! WOOT!

2006-07-05T22:25:15Z

Ok so today ended the madness. Thank god. On a side note, WTF! Ok so A&P II I closed out with a B+. Not what I wanted but it will do. The jury is still out on macro. I am pretty sure I pulled a B but 35% of my grade is unknown and its anyones guess as per how that one ended. Anyhow so I went for a beer with Dave and Alloy tonight after the last of the crazyness ended. God, I couldn't tell if I should sleep, get drunk, go to AC, or just break down and book a flight for C.A on the next thing leaving JFK. I ended up with the beer and just playing it cool thing.

So post beer Oakken showed up at Dave's place and we kind of had it out about his ex. Joy. I like the fact that my bro's know I am there for them but sometimes I really wish they would listen when I give advice. In Oakken's case it would do a WORLD of good. Speaking of women for that matter I put my cards on the table with Chelse. She is a sweet girl but I don't think she really understands my history. I know she writes it off as me," being a boy your all like that." but for a girl that "has never been kissed." I think she is making light of things. Why do the young innocent ones find me? WHY?!?! I am to moral to do these kinds of things!

Two nights ago was interesting. The night before the final Josh, Anna, Janine, and I went for beers at Charlie's. It was great to see Anna and Janine before they left for D.C and NY. Janine will be close sure but I don't think I will be seeing much of that girl. Poor thing will be working 80 hours as an average for the next 20-40. Sounds like a prision sentence.

On to more important things like today and now. So now that its over I got free time. I think quite honestly, i'm just in shock. I still can't believe I have free time. This feels unreal. Days off? Down time? WTF is that? Oh and Nickcol is back in town and oddly around at the same time I became free. Fuckin' awesome. I missed that girl. Witty nicky makes any coffee night or bar run rock. And whats better then that? Mama D is back next week for about a week. Does it get any better?

I think I am going to enjoy my little 4 day break before I go back in to high gear and look to work the job world as hard as I can. I think I have to wait until the end of July to apply to colleges. I DON'T WANT TO WAIT! I WANT TO APPLY NOW! I think the drive to campus at this point has really gotten to me. I just don't want to drive that far, not for a campus that is that small with people that are that unfriendly. Its just so, unwelcoming. That and the constant construction that goes on sucks. I hate driving behind these huge dump trucks that kick around heavy black smoke when I have the windows down. Its nice out and I don't believe in using my AC when the wind feels better. Well on that note I need sleep.

Random Dinners and Good Company

2006-06-24T09:16:57Z

I was always told that Wayne was a "very affluent" town but I never really believed it. Hell as far as I know my family is middle class, white, sub-urban, america. Pretty damn basic to be honest. I thought more or less the whole town was like that. More recently I found out what the "Visskya" of Wayne was.

Well one night I get a call from Oaken asking me to come chill at the dinner and seeing how I never sleep I figure eh, and go. So I meet up with him and his now ex Jackie some guy named Duka and some girl I had yet to meet. Odd detail about the night. As I was walking in to the diner I noticed a 98 Bugatti parked in one of the spots. Now for anyone not familiar lets just say you could sell this car and buy 3 fully loaded BMW's with enough cash left over to gas them for a couple years easy. So I mention this to Oaken and ask him if he saw it, the girl sitting on the other side of the table from me with out missing a beat goes, "Yeah, its mine." I answer,"What mom and dad didn't want to give you the keys to the Rolls?" To which her answer was,"Na, both of those are at home." Yes, they do own two of them. Can you say foot in mouth? I was like who the fuck is this girl and where in hell does she come from. Yes, she was from wayne and yeah the car was in fact hers. She also owns one of the only 1600 Delorean's ever built.(think "back to the future" car.)

About two days later I get a call from Jackie. Odd seeing how I didn't even know she had my number. Not like I talk to her on any kind of basis what so ever but eh whatever. She informs me that her friend wants to chill at some point. I go sure and tell Jack to give her my number seeing how she has it and we'll all hang some time. I got a call from her the night I was freelancing for a private party(bartending) and was invited for a movie and to chill. My buddy Sam who I see once in a great long ass while came with me. To the house was big is to say its a short walk from here to L.A. (i'm sitting in Jersey) I meet interesting people. For a guy that no longer owns a bathing suit I have gone swimming a hell of a lot these last 4 or 5 days.

In other news I found out lately that my whole freaking town's emergency medical squads are run by fucking answering machines. I called volunteer membership, the president of emergency response in wayne, the EMS academy in Paramus, and the local EMS building itself and got an answering machine at all of them. God forbid I would want to join them and save lives. ::sigh::

As of this thursday i'm free, FREE!!! I so can't wait. Granted yes, I will most likely be in EMT school, motorcycle school, and still driving to Paramus every fucking day but hell I will be an EMT for my own town when its over, have a bike licence, and plus in the meanwhile I get to apply to universities again. Looks like these summer classes may hurt my average a bit. I am thinking I may end up with a 3.0. May take me down to a 3.1. Well, should be good enough to get in to Willie Pat seeing how I am backing it with an A.S degree. Besides Rutgers is beating down my door for me to go to Newark or New Bruns at this point. Emails, letters the whole nine, its nice to be wanted for a change. Nursing should be a cake walk after the hell I put up with this last year. Laura won't stop telling me that she has my dream job. She's close but not quite right. She isn't a doc, even though she is working the O.R.

Well, other then that there has been a bit of craziness with tiger and Dutch more recently. Turns out Dutch has been back in town every weekend and I didn't know. That man and I are way past due for some R&R time. Tiger on the other hand is up to the normal antics. Speaking of friends for that matter I am about due to drop in on Megs. Its been about 4 1/2 years. She and I meet once every 5 or so, so it sounds about time I hang with her. Besides she moved out this way. I never thought I would see the day that megs moved to my side of the country. She always was way more of a country girl then any of my other friends growing up. She is a long way from C.A.

Other then that I owe a lot of thanks to Hersh, and Alloy. Those two know how to take the edge off. SERIOUSLY. Since I got back in the gym and started taking a few hours a week for "me time" my life seems like its not about to break me anymore. Its kind of nice. Having an out let and just spending some time relaxing. Speaking of which the sun is coming up and I need sleep before work. Sometimes you just need to cut loose and do your own thing. In my case right now. That is sleep for 5 hours then work. Night.

My family......at least I like to think so.

2006-06-17T06:27:42Z

Its been a crazy couple of weeks. I know at this point when is it not? I can't seem to have a normal life. Mom was in town this last week it was awesome getting to see her. I wish I saw her more then three times though. I am really too busy. Its not fair. I think this is why I feel like an orphan sometimes. My brother lives in the next room over and I see him maybe once a week if i'm lucky. How sad is that. While mom was here from California and we went for dinner at some interesting little Brazilian restaurant Mel mentioned, Huston's, and some place down town in the city called Mumbles. All we seem to do is dinner together and that seems kind of sad. We used to do a lot more, the beach, hiking, camping, random trips. At least the whole family(Mom, Melissa, Dave, and I.) was together for Dave's birthday and that was what counted. I have so few memories of us all being together. I watched my mom and sister laugh together for what felt like the first time ever and it brought me more joy then I can put in to words. Its not a wonder I feel a bit like an orphan sometimes, what little family I have I never see. My brother is living at home one door down from me and I see him once a week if i'm lucky. Mom I see once a year if i'm lucky and Melissa I see only around on major holidays.

He's another topic of interest this week. Seems Dave got himself a girlfriend. Yeah, I never thought I would write that one. Chris introduced us to some girl from one of his marketing classes and she seemed to take a liking to Dave. Truth be told however I really don't trust her. We hung out a couple times and while she is with Dave she keeps eying Chris she seems to be flirting him. A little disturbing he and I both think. I understand being kind is one thing but not like this, this was something else. I hope Dave doesn't end up in a world of hurt over this.

So the weekend had its ups and downs looking back. The up side was the other dinners with mom and Dave. The down is that i've learned that my family can't seem to find the time even when we have it. Melissa and I spent an afternoon planning out a brunch for the family while mom was in town. Mom at the last moment (the night before) informs me that she suddenly can't make it. Dave had only reluctantly showed up for dinner that night because his new girlfriend was busy. How surprising of her and considerate of him. That leads me to what turned out to be something of a strange night. I finally hit my limit around tenish that night and kissed my dear mother goodbye and left dave to his dessert at grand central and met up with an old friend. On the subway I was half thinking hell, at this point I want a shot and some place to vent. Funny thing was I met my friend hanging out with two of her girlfriends and playing with Johny White. I will just leave that to imagination and say that "Johny" is not a person nor a sex toy. I am just going to say that I draw the line at weed. That deep an no deeper for me. What others do is their deal. I don't care just I didn't see that one coming. A heads up would have been nice.

Sufficed to say woke up the next morning at that very same apartment after about 3 hours of sleep with a hell of a head ache from the tequila shots at the bar from 4 hours ago. Fun. I get my ass in gear and run up town drop my sister a call and let her know i'm skipping the brunch cause hell mom bailed and Dave wanted to sleep in anyhow so fuck it I had work. I get back to Wayne by 10am and get my gear together and get in to work on time at noon for a double shift. I get out that night around 10 and called Matt and felt bad that I just didn't have it in me to drive down to NB to see him for his party. Matt rocks but I am sure he will forgive me. Hell if he reads this I am sure he won't be to surprised that I bailed. Anyhow I was on my way home and figured I would stop by John's for an hour just because heck its like 15-20 minutes out and I also hadn't seen him in a hell of a long time to. My old roommate tank was there as well as Ed and E.D.Z. Tank broke his lateral ligament in his knee by slipping on volcanic ash. He slipped and fell down the side of a volcano in Peru. Does give one some idea of the kind of conversations that went on. My first question was WTF were you doing in Peru, and why? So a couple beers and like an hour or so later, I crashed.

Woke up at Johns and had one hell of a great breakfast. That man knows how to handle his steel kitchen. I love that kid's house. Its ridiculous that is all I can say. His folks have good taste. So, I get out of his place by 11 and realize crap I am running late for work. I spent a little to much time at breakfast, gun it down the highway and got in to work just to find heck I don't have to be there until that night. Joy. I go home and crash for an extra 3 hours before work. This then re-kicks my week of class. I get no rest.

Had to hit the wall sometime.

2006-06-08T05:55:05Z

So I have learned today what my limit is for dealing with insanity. It seems I can only handle 6 months of non-stop craziness before I lose my mind as well. I have to say the year has been good to me thus far but fuck I can't keep running at this rate. Lets take it from the top shall we?

So I had a grand total of 11 days off so far this year and according to a very good buddy of mine only 1 that actually counted. Its funny cause I always believe in pointing out the bloody fucking obvious in order to make life easier. It is funny just how often I and others forget to realize the simple facts of how life is. This being said Alloy had to point out to me that after 6 months of spinning my wheels at full speed with little to no time spent really relaxing its a wonder I have made it this far. Having no gym time, no social life, no free time, and no time to do the simplest things like eat a normal meal can leave a guy a bit high strung.

Yesterday was big bro's birthday. I cut out of macro early in order to hop a bus in to New York and meet up at Huston's for dinner. Even as I got there the only thoughts on my mind were, "Will i have enough time to study? When is my lab due in? Do I still have the neurology guide from last semester for A&P?" This and many other class related things. It wasn't until the meal got on the table that I began to realize the live jazz was really just soothing. By desert I nearly died of joy to find a glass of Taylor Flagate 20 year in front of me. I think it was the most at ease I had been all summer. But of course nothing gold can stay. I had to cut out early on the night to hop a bus home and get back to the craziness. Sad that the joy of the night was dead just as it began to set in.

On the class end of things I have been getting my ass kicked cause I want to chill with the guys cause their home but I can't spare the time cause i'll fall behind. What sucks even more is the fact that these two girls have had their eyes on me in A&P and I don't have the time or cash to make a move. This one girl started flirting with me and it hit me. I found myself asking what is this all for? Why am I working and studying round the clock? What is the reward in all this? The answer. A pat on the back and more work. Community college sucks. Simply put. It is really starting to just piss me off. July can not come soon enough. I know I have a lot to be happy about but what is the point of bringing the world to its knees if you can't enjoy it? I am not looking for a pat on the back, I am looking for the company of others and the free time to shoot the shit with. Alloy put it best, I really need an out let, a mindless hobby to take the edge off. I've had my head pressed to the whet stone for so long i've forgotten what real down time even feels like. At this point I would love anything that gave me some sanity. A gym, a girl, anything that would give me piece of mind. I just got to focus on the fact that its the final four weeks.

Cigars i've learned are good for two things. One, relaxing and two, collecting yourself. At least long enough to get your head together and figure out what needs to come next. I didn't mind the loneliness as long as I had time to sit and just let myself unwind but these last 6 months have really aged me.

myrederic @ 2006-05-30T22:42:00

2006-05-31T03:37:20Z

Summer session kicked off and is in full swing now. It is going ok. Think I might have made a name for myself early on. Macro prof thinks I am out to be a broker or something. My A & P 2 prof thinks I am out to be a doc. Well, one of them is right. Still have yet to get the book for my Macro Econ. class. The exam is the first 5 chapters and I have yet to read a dam thing. The exam is this coming monday. On a related note I was so happy when I found out that a woman in my macro class that I was going to form a study group with worked for human resources at Valley View Hospital. She was telling me that she could most likely get me a job but sadly she dropped the class today. SO CLOSE! I nearly had a hospital pay my way through EMT school and throw me on their squad. It would have been a paid squad to. ::Sigh:: Well at least I gave her my resume and she said she would still look in to it for me and email me. She seemed grateful for what little help I was able to give her. I hope she can still get me something.

In other news mom is flying out this Saturday. God knows how I will find the time but for family hell I will find a way. Makes the news of me getting a job recently at Lone Star both good and bad news. I just got hired as a waiter I think. I am not sure however. I was told they need bartenders too so I will have to play by ear it seems. Nothing that new when I think about it. Life in the slower lane has been blissful. Its nice to have down time.

Ha, the weekend rocked too come to think of it. I drove the folks to the airport last thursday at like 6 am. They left for the week so Dave and I have had the house to our selves. I got to say its nice to have piece of mind for the week. I think I spent the whole weekend ether in the city or by the hudson. I hit up the city to meet up with Jordan for dinner since he came back from the Cayman islands and we hit up a place that my sister showed me back when she lived in the village. It was a nice little sushi place and we split a carafe of sake. We chilled and spent the night watching from hell. Sunday we hit up D.T.H with Dutch, and Rick. Dude, I love that place. We all got bombed beyond all comprehension and I got some of the pictures on face book from the bar. Dutch is a man that loves his ice cream. Monday was spent chillen and taking it easy down at Mitsuwa. No hang over or anything just had to give the liver time to breath and all.

It seems in the not to distant future I may be going to Japan. It seems big bro is looking to go some time in october. He was telling me that the tickets he was finding were way to expensive and that he could not find anything for less then like 1200. I told him I could find him one for half that and get him a month long rail pass on top of that to get him anywhere in country no problem. He said if I could he would bring me and call it a birthday gift. While I am not going to hold him to it but I showed him a airline that could do it. Heck I wanted BBQ sauce from the super market that was by there anyhow. They got some dam good stuff. I got to say he seems like he really is going to bring me along as a guide and I think I may just have to re-crack open my old Japanese reading books and start a new summer project. So much to see and do there. Hell, Mer is going to be there all fall semester anyhow. Germany, Amsterdam, France, and now Japan. Fricking sweet. Well there is a lot of possibility out there. I just hope it all works its self out. Who knows.

Well that sucks.

2006-05-18T06:19:35Z

So it has been an interesting last week or so. I went to the city to hang out with Heather and go for drinks. Was fun I crashed her place for the night and went down to Rutgers the following night for a bar run with Rick. She has a place of her own above 179th. A lot of my friends are getting there own places these days. I hate living at home. Hanging with her in the city was fun though, I found yet a few more lovely little place to run around and play with in the city when I get bord enough.

My night with Rick while also fun taught me something important that night. Rick showed me this awesome all you can handle place that is like Minado's down in NB. After stuffing myself to the point where I felt like I would bust we decided to hit up the bars. Splitting four pitchers in two hours after feasting like I had not eaten in days was a bad idea. It seems I have learned that there is a limit to how much ones own stomach can hold. Also, an important side note, do not mix paps blue ribbon, miller high-life, and killian's all in the same two hour run. Still I had fun and Dutch was working the drunk bus that night so we heckled him at the college ave check point.

On to the bad new, I need to find a new job and this is not going to be easy. While I am basking in the glory of what is my time off I had to quit last sunday due to the fact that one of the bartenders is a backstabbing fuck. It seems someone there was skimming and they got a little to close to getting caught so of course they point a finger at someone else. Naming yours truly. It seems in the corporate world you do not need evidence just two people to say that someone is guilty. Well, I won't be hired for a hospital if I have "accused of theft" on my resume even if proven innocent. I liked that job but I am not going to give up my dream for it. So on the hunt for a new 9-5. This could not come at a worse time. Summer session I starts this monday so any new job I get I will have no time to train and I need cash to cover books and tuition. Looks like once again I am going to have to get creative. Who knows, I will figure this out some how. What sucks even more is the fact that now I may have to cancel my plans of getting my licenses this summer. Some how I knew I might have to but I really wanted to get my bike license, EMT license, and dive license. So not fair. At least I think I can get the EMT license if I find a core that will sponsor me. Hell, if I find one that pays I solve two problems at once. That would rock.

Well, Scott leaves to join Lisa soon in the navy. God, it seems like a bunch of my younger friends are going. Dude has nineteen days and then uncle sam owns him. I keep playing with the idea of joining and solving these problems of cash and what once and for all but I don't think I ever will. My mother would have kittens and I could not do that to her. I love her to much to put her through that. Part of me does want to do it though.

In other news damages for grades came in. Fell short of what I was going for once again. This semester was a touch over a 3.5. So wanted the 3.75. Brings the cumulative up to like a 3.28. I will never make it to a 3.5 for graduation at this point sadly. Still after this summer session it will be high enough for what an easy in to Ramapo or Willie Pat. Fun thing is Rutgers has been tracking my progress at Bergen and has been sending me stuff staying they want me back. God I wish I could say yes. Going back there to a 1.5 is reason enough not to. Add to that the fact that I would have to go to Rutgers Newark for the R.N program and I have all the reason I need to say thanks for thinking of me but pass. Newark just is not the same man. I hate how everyone I talk to on campus at Bergen talks about going to Rutgers and I have to say no I am not going back. It really sucks. Still I can not wait until my drive to class becomes a walk on the really nice days. That is going to be blissful. Just me, the ipod, and a cloudless sky. Until then I guess I will just be dreaming of easier days to come.

You know its a long way down from here.

2006-05-07T17:29:10Z

Well the worst of it is finally over. Thank god. I think I can say I maxed myself out this last week. Finals and my lab book really pushed me to the limit. It felt so good to sit in from of the bon fire last night with the bros. I had not had a smore in like 4-5 years. Gooey joy wrapped in a gram cracker. Think I will finally start piecing myself back together. You know get back in the gym, sleeping normal hours, and lets not forget my favorite, lounging with good company and no obligations.

Still I noticed at the tail end of this semester I still keep putting myself on that line. I really did walk the line between pass fail. I was doing awesome at the start of everything but I some how managed to fall on the line between two grades in all my classes. As I stood at the cliff edge between a A and a B in virtually all my classes I asked myself why do I always find myself looking down the barrel of do or die time. I really must love the stress of being asked to give it all I got. Thankfully that will not be the case this summer or next semester. This summer I just got the 8 creds and next semester I have a simple 12 creds. Part of which is weight trainning. Ha, college creds for getting myself in shape. I love it.

Well looks like I got to hit the shower and head in to work but from here on out its easy street. I just hope my applications to Willie Pat. and Ramapo go well. I think I am done walking the cliff edge for a while. Here's to a shorter comute and hopefully getting all the licencing I am after this summer.

The weekend filled with AWESOME!

2006-04-24T04:23:27Z

Its been a crazy weekend to say the least. So my computer was being evil the last week or so and I could not get on really. Kind of annoying. Internet withdraw sucks. Anyhow I got in just in time to see that I had an invite to Matt's birthday party at some kid named Anik's house. Anik is a pretty cool kid but i'll get to that soon. So that night I got some great pictures of a gay darth vader(matt) and defended my family name in a battle of massage therapy. Some guy also named cooper and I competed for best massage on Eylse and "Dread-lock" Vicky. Was a heck of an ego boost seeing how I expected to lose that one. The rest of the night was spent grilling with some ridiculous sauce that Anik created and mixing blue margarita's for all. Cabowabo reserve is the shit!

This weekend was filled with birthdays. The following night Jordan was throwing for his 21. This night was INSANE! Ok, I drove down to rutgers thinking I would hit up ABP for a couple hours before dropping in on Jordan in order to get some studying for finals done. Funny thing was, as I walked to the bus stop over by the Cook student center I see Jordan come walking the other way. So he gave me a lift over to ABP and we had lunch. Post lunch we headed back to his place and a bunch of people that I have never met started to show up. Jordan's folks showed up with his birthday present. A 2004 WRX. Can I just say FUCKING SWEET!

We all head out from there to hit up some restarant called "Panag". I haven't played with plastic tub bubbles since I was like 6 but sure enough his folks brought enough for all 20 of us. Of course knowing all us we ended up making a who could blow the biggest contest as the dinner went on. Dude the pictures of this are so funny. His folks also brought 3 bottles of wine and a mini-magnum of champagne. His folks ordered enough food to feed a small army.

Later that night we ended up hanging out with "equestrian team" Vicky from my old chem-2 class and her roommate partying over at helyer house on Cook for a bon fire. I love Rutgers parties. Post party I will just say that Jordan handed me the keys. As far as the party and post party go I will simply say it was hardly legal and freaking awesome.

Persian New Year

2006-03-27T18:48:09Z

The first week back from break went really well. First off I found out I got a 90 on my Eastern Philo midterm, I got a 96 on my comparative exam, and I got a 2 point bonus question in Bio II to bring my average up to a 90. All in all it was a good week. Now I just need to study for next weeks hell to come. Three exams means no free time. Well baring the free time I had already set aside for Persian new year.

Friday at the restaurant was a little nuts. I would say my worst shift yet to be entirely honest. Once in a while something breaks or something runs out at the bar and we all work together to get past it. Normally its only once in a while and one thing that breaks so its not that bad. Last Friday the sinks clogged, one of my two blenders broke, and the cops showed up to handle the party of 25 that thought their bill was too high. The cops must have known the whole thing walking in because the officer that walked to the back room was about 6'5" and easily weighted over 250. The guy was a walking wall. Not that he would but if he chose to he could single handily bring down the whole party. The disputed 785.00 dollar tab did not really seem that unreasonable given the size of the party and the fact that they all had drinks. I would know I made them with one blender. This is more of a headache then I can describe. Even so the cops and the party came to the agreement to pay the tab only if the managers would take off the 18% forced gratuity (normally added for parties of 8 or more) and 1 drink. So in essence saying fuck you to the two waiters that spent the whole night thinking they were going to get paid for dealing with a very unkind group of people from Paterson. The party left 4 dollars as a tip for the now under 700 dollar tab. Nice. I found out later that they left a whopping 1/2 percent tip. On the up side Ferg showed up to say hi and hung with me at the bar for a bit and I met some very charming lesbian Milfs that kept me company for part of the night. Leaving that night I was grateful I would not be back until Sunday morning to open.

Even though I had already had a break I could not help but take another one. After all it was Persian New Year. Ok, I know that sounds like an excuse but I always show up late to it at Nima's house and this year it was nice to be early. It was awesome helping him set up this year. The man had enough liquor to kill a small army. Granted that is exactly what showed up but that is besides the point. I met a guy this new years named Night Steele and his wife Mrs. Steele. No lie. That guy has the coolest name ever. For a medical board member, dam thats cool. Mrs. Ashtiani, Nima's mom, will be the death of me. She drink tequila like its water, and she holds her liquor. While I have recently become a tequila fan, I am not at the point where I can do it straight up yet. Was awesome dropping shots with her but I think I am going to stay away from that one for a while. Bunch of us ended up doing a Dr. Pepper shot later that night. I have got to add amaretto to my bar. All and all it was an awesome night.

Sundays shift ran a bit late but I am kind of grateful. The extra time in help me make ends meet this week. Dave got a new car so we were celebrating a bit at sheps last night. All I can say is grown in Cuba savored in Jersey. I love the free moments life gives us from time to time, to sit back and enjoy just being here.

SPRING BREAK!!

2006-03-27T18:13:34Z

Holy crap! Its seriously about time I had a few days off. I been working like a dog these last two months and a little free time was way past over due. This spring break was freaking AWESOME! So going from the week leading in to my first day off; I was out drinking with Eddie "too tall" at the junk yard on wednesday night thinking midterms were over and not much caring that the headache I would have to deal with at 6am was a small price to pay for starting early. One minor mistake, I later found out I still had a Eastern Philo midterm that following thursday morning. Fun. Eastern Philo had given a midterm on Tuesday but my professor thought it would be fun to keep us on our toes. I think I did ok but it seems time will tell. Thursday was kind of a blur but went well for the most part. Friday night after work I dropped in on Alloy because he was house sitting a beautiful place by Tunis Dye and had the place to him self all night and more liquor then he knew what to do with. We were hanging around playing games having fun until about 2am when we got a call from Holly in tears and drunk in Hoboken. Needlessly to say she was stuck there a wee bit too trashed to drive home. What are a couple of guys to do? Driving up to go grab her that night turned out to be an interesting experience to say the least. Thats one night that I think I will be laughing about for a while.

I got out of work on saturday at the same time I did friday, midnight, and I decided to pass on beer with the people from work to hang with Alloy again seeing how the poor kid after playing hero just the night before had a rough night. His date with the girl he just saved did not really go as planed. Somehow I feel she can be a bit thick headed at times. As meantioned though he had loaded the house with any kind of drinks we could want on the night and we spent the rest of that night on the amazing back deck drinking and venting. The weather that whole weekend was SO nice. Sunday was a bit of a challenge though. I worked my first double. With about 2 hours sleep I got in at 9:45 and procceded to lose all feeling in my knees slowly after standing around for that long. Can you say 13 hour day with no break? I ate once around 9am just before I ran out the door and did not get a second chance to until 10pm that night. The cooks took pity on me though and hooked me up though with 2 pounds of crab legs for free when I ordered food later that night though. Was a nice little appetizer. Sunday night was kind of a guys night with more of the same except done in a classy kind of way. Cigars, grilling, family guy, with whiskey and beer for all. Life was good. It felt so good just to relax knowing I did not have work or class the following day. A beer after work tastes rewarding this was like drinking embrosha. I slept like a log that night.

Then the lounging really began. Monday I woke up late around 11, which was close enough to lunch time so Dave, Alloy, and I hit up a sushi place I had heard of but never been to. Best all you can handle sushi ever. Hands down for like 15 bucks we ate like kings. I worked my way across 100 bucks worth in like the first hour sampling everything and damn was it good. Following the very nice lunch I headed back home to pick up a few items I had earned as rewards for busting my ass this hard for so long. I spent part of the afternoon watching a movie as well as handling a bit of studying before heading out for the night with Dutch to PQ to catch up a bit. Later that night the two of us hit up Anglios for a poker game with all of the in town supects. Yes, I left up 6 bucks on the night.

Tuesday was going to be a day spent in the city at the M.E.T and a few other favorite little spots but that had changed in to something a little more conservative because while monday was awesome it had been expensive. Alloy still had run of the house he was sitting and it was nice out so Dutch, Alloy and I grilled brotts and burgers for lunch and once again enjoying the lovely deck and quite home with a few drinks just kind of taking it easy. Then we headed off to J.R's smoke lounge to enjoy fine leather seats and the big screen in front of the fire place for the after noon. Heading home from J.R I headed out with Ferg for a beer and to relax some more while asking myself simply, "does it get any better?"

Wednesday I got called in to work unfortunately but this was needed because cash for the week was starting to run a bit thin given my recent expenses. Wednesday was slow but I made more then enough to get me through to Friday.

Thursday I woke up early and headed off to campus to meet up with Vonch at 11. I was suppose to head to Amherst but that plan went bust for a reasons I really do not want to get in to. Anyhow, my alternative to Amherst was to spend the day in Queens. Vonch took me to "little India". Once again I found myself at an all you can handle place but this time it was an East Indian restaurant. Good food and oddly enough reminded me a lot of Iranian food so I felt really at home. He showed me some kind of yogurt based drink with lunch and after some kind of snack called balm. The drink was good the snack was not. Little to grainy and dry for my liking. Well we ended up hitting up a mall and from there coffee which was very nice. I got a call around 4 that Laura would be headed down to Rutgers to grill up steaks with Cilla and Jay. This led to its own little minny adventure of hopping the 7 train in queens to time square just in time to hop a shuttle train to penn station and hit the 4:50 train down to New Brunzwick. Lucky for me I still had an old NJ rail pass in my wallet, my last one. By 6:15 I was sitting out side of the newals trading stories with Jay, Cilla, and Laura. Laura gave me a lift back up to campus later that night and I got home just as Dave was. He and I spent a few minutes shooting the shit before I crashed for the night and got up for work on friday.

Friday was St. Pats. What a way to end break. An Irish holiday that is all about drinking and I think I effectively did just that. I got out of work and headed off to a bar called Mollys. I have only ever had one other VIP night quite like this, and that was at Sport Sexy when Mark picked up the tab on the 15-17 some odd shots of southern and lime we did all night. The bouncer asked me for the cover only to say on second though never mind go on in your cool. I hit up the bar with Lauren, Sonia, and her boyfriend. This little Irish pub was packed to the walls with people. I was amazed to find myself sitting at the head of the bar drinking for free when there was not even enough standing room let alone bar stools. The bar had a small line forming when we got in because they were so over fire code. I left the bar with the taste of Irish car bombs and Jamison 18 year in my mouth and memories I will cherish for quite a while. I went walking in to the night figuring I would be broke by the end of it but some how I only dropped 5 bucks for the whole night. Spring Break RULED!

One day I will look back and laugh.

2006-02-11T07:21:42Z

Its been a really odd week in the life of. I guess I sort of saw this coming. It wont be sunny every day. It was a crazy super bowel sunday that is for sure. It rocked. Me, Alloy and Dave hit up hooters for wings to pre game it and enjoyed a cigar on the way back to Alloys for some grey goose and tonic fun during the game. Not that we really watched it but the family guy and simpsons eps. during the game were cool.

Sunday ended my run of good luck it seems though. This was not the week from hell per say but it wasnt exactly a week I would ever want to remember. I am just so stressed. My classes went alright nothing too horrifying but its just so draining. I am doing ok so far this semester. It just is hard keeping up with what I am stacking on top of my classes. My life has too much and too little in it at the same time. If that makes any sense at all. I really have been listening to prof. Lee too much. I may have to cut back on the gym because I just dont have the energy I once did. Class takes priority I know but I want to be in top condition.

The root of my head aches are two fold really. Simply put they are time management and women. The first one I just need to get back in to the groove have not having a social life. While I hate being anti social or more accurately non social I really have no choice. 18 creds plus job, gym, and wall street. I need a good day planner. You want to talk about your up hill battles. As far as the women problem goes. I am grateful that the sir of echos in my head is almost gone.

It is really great that I have friends to sit and talk with about these things. The worst problems seem much easier with close friends to lean on from time to time. Speaking of which I owe Dutch more then he will admit at this point but hell I am sure that bastard knows it. That guy has really helped me out more times then I can recall at this point.

Few fun things that happened this week. I learned a few days back that a typo can cost you 350 bucks on wall street. I was watching how the other day someone in a foreign exchange made the same mistake to the tune of about 100 million bucks. I had to laugh that I made the same mistake with out realizing it. I will get the money back in a few months or so but it seems funny. Watch what you type when dealing with wall street. One fuck up can really set you back.

Diet soda always was a bad idea.

2006-01-28T09:25:54Z

I have been meaning to update this thing for a few days now but been a little to busy to write in the details of the last week or so. First off the Rangers game was AWESOME! Sky box seats are a thing of beauty. I saw Messia's retired jersey hanging and felt bad that I did not see his going away tribute. Still the sky box was unreal. Free liquor and sushi during the game!?! Too cool.

Class this week was a real pisser that is for sure. First off I got thrown out of a class for the first time ever. My cell rang in my 8am class and Prof. Eckles has a very strict no electronic disruptions policy. The comedy of it, it was dear old dad calling to wish me a good day at class. I had to laugh. He was not pissed at me and it looked like he felt bad to do it but he wanted to make an example of someone. I did how ever get really pissed at Prof Highly in lab. I asked him a question about a plant that gives off spores as a way to reproduce. I asked do the spores leave behind a shell. He said that I had asked a very good question, but he was not going to answer it. It will be on the quiz and he will try and cover it in lecture but he did thing he should answer that directly. Note: It does not specify one way or the other in the book, the lab manual, or the study guide. I spent 45 minutes in lab trying to find out. I would later find out yes it does but only for that one plant thanks to google. Bastard prof.

I was kind of sleepless all week for some unknown reason. My dreams also are somewhat erratic these last few nights. It maybe that I am coming down with something or just that with the start of the semester I have had too much on my mind. On the up side the gym is really starting to put my body back in to shape. I am only at 2.5 miles on tuesday & thursday but hell its better then nothing.

Last night was also interesting for other reasons in reflection. Me and some of the usual suspects ended up at the hitching post drinking and while a great time was had by all I have to laugh. We when for beer, the pool table, and the bikini clad bartenders that dance around. What ended up happening was me kicking the hell out of some 40+ year old woman on the pool table after about 6 or so beers. The guys and I got in like 5 or so games when other people at the bar started challenging us for the table. Well we managed to beat out the first group of guys that wanted to play and stayed on for a while until this older woman wanted to challenge the table. She wanted to play singles and between me and Albert she wanted to play who ever was better. I learned that after 7 or so beers, if I take off my glasses I start to shoot better.

Another thing I learned is that though I have never liked diet soda, I learned this week that if you add a certain breath mint that is easy to find you get a diet cola bomb. Well ok more like a geyser really. Still I will never drink diet soda again. I watch a 1 foot bottle shoot a 6 foot foam burst. Let this be a lesson to fat people everywhere. Drink water. Diet soda is explosive, I have footage to prove this.

1 in 649,740

2006-01-22T20:43:02Z

So the semester has started and so far it looks like it will be a year I may never forget. I went down to Atlantic City thursday night with Angilo and I can not believe my night. I sat down at the 2-4 limit table and bought in for the normal 100 bucks that I do and started playing tight because I really wanted to walk away up for the night. A few hands in my hole cards are the king and jack of clubs. The flop comes out 6 of diamonds, 7 of clubs, 10 of clubs. A bet goes round the table and 4 players are still in when the turn comes out. The ace of clubs. I am sitting there with a pretty good poker face thinking I have the hand in the bag. The river showed the queen of clubs. I felt the world shift with out me. It was like the rug under my chair threw me off the planet. I hesitated for a moment trying to comprehend what just happened and I bet. The three guys after me call for god knows what reason. The dealer goes to says You bet show your cards. I showed a royal flush. It was like a bomb hit the table. They called over the pit boss to see it and I got two free tickets to the bengal club. I could not believe that night.

Friday, I walked around Willie Pat. in town to get an idea of what their program looks like. It seems like I may end up there at this point but is to soon to tell. I learned that there is no entrance exam but I would have to spend a semester taking classes for my biology BS then get in to the program and get my BSN. Not to shabby if you ask me.

Last night I found myself back down at Rutgers as it so happened. My night started out chilling with Jon and Ed from floor playing games. I miss those guys. They rock. Well from there it was something of an old house reunion over at Jay and Katts new place. Jay and I took on all for about 4 rounds and were sinking like mad. Jay threw for a hell of a nice party I have to say.

That brings me to today. I am about 3 hours away from going to a Rangers vs Devils game at MSG in a suit. I have to get some more book time in between now and then but the NYR at MSG in a suit. FUCKING AWESOME! The Rangers are ripping up the league right now.

A Classy Night Out

2006-01-18T04:34:40Z

Today was a pretty good day. Alloy and I met up with my sister in the city for a 3 o'clock bar crawl. While a bit early to go drinking the real reason for going was in order to remember some of the classy bars I have long since forgotten. Its amazing how rich you can live for an evening if you just know where to go. I love lounges that are almost unknown but classy in there humble elegance. Even though we spent a good portion of our time discussing my latest problem with the parents in the bars I had a marvorlous time just being in the company of a good friend and my sister. The low lit ambiance and smooth jazz really takes you away from reality for a while. Its nice to really just relax some times.

Good times

2006-01-10T06:47:32Z

I have to say it has been a great few days. Though it was odd to hear from some old friends after so long on new years eve it was a welcome surprise. It was nice hanging out with some of the girls from the old days. Dave came back from California last week so its been nice playing catch up with him. Seems he came to the same conclusion I did. One thing I got to mention about hanging out with Dave since he got back. He actually fucked with me. Dave is a nice kind guy that is normally to nice to say a single out of place word. He actually said well hey if you ever need a favor. Go fuck yourself and started laughing. I was so blown away by this it was amazing. Dave was the kind of guy for a long time that would sooner let someone walk all over him then complain or get pissed. I have to say fucking wow. I can not believe he actually cracked a joke like that. Corporate America has done the kid good. He agreed that California is no place to live. Great vacation spot but not much more doing out there other then wine vineyards and runaways. I will miss the guys headed back to campus for their final semesters but I know they will be back soon enough.

Work was pretty cool these last two weeks come to think of it. I pulled some good cash at work and it really does put me at ease for the up coming semester. Also on a random note I think there must be a pack of guys running around town naked. It is a little odd that what ever street I drive down in town lately there are clothes in the middle of the road. I think I have seen enough random articles of clothing to cover my entire wardrobe. Well lucky for that guy its been warm lately. Feels like spring these last few days. I have to say its great to walk around in jeans and a t-shirt with my jacket. So comfortable.

The other night was pretty awesome as well come to think of it. I ended up at Tools with Lauren, Anna, Josh, Ferg, Janine C, and Janine S. Turned out to be one awesome night between the Texas, USC game and the food club night that followed. The reason I do not mind being the designated driver is because of guys that are like brothers to me, because of the need to grill brots at three am on a foreman grill and have a cigar afterwords, because we can look back on the good times as bros and savor the memories of all the great things we have done as well as look to the future and smile at the prospect of things to come.

This year is off to a great start. The other night I was hanging out with Dutch and Little Kim. I have to say you got to love friends and nights out at the bar with people like them.

Reflections

2006-01-03T08:26:17Z

Happy New Year everyone. I have to say it was one hell of a fall from grace this past year. This time last January things were looking damn good. Now looking back I am just happy 2005 is over. My parents gave me a pat on the back and said it was a good year for me as I left for work on new years eve.

As I drove to work hating the fact that I would most likely end up spending new years behind the bar instead of in front of it I thought about what my folks said. It dawned on me just how narrow minded they can be. I would have thought that me totaling the car for starters would have had some real impact on it being a bad year but it seems that has faded from their memory already. Might be a good thing but when I add the fact that I all but failed out of Rutgers and had to leave the paradise I knew behind me along with the woman I loved that left me I started thinking it was a hell of a bad year. This on top of the fact that I had to pass on my once a year visit to my mother it has been one fuck of a bad year.

Reflecting on the year I realize that this means two things. First, there is no where to go from here but up. When you hit rock bottom things have to get better. Second, that I am sitting at the top of a fresh year with one goal. Make this year rock. Keep it simple. Use last year as a point of reference.

I can not wait until this summer. I will come back to this entry and think of how my year is going. With any luck I will have a lot of positive things to put down.

Its snowy and dark.

2005-12-20T02:01:28Z

Its all over. Thank you god I can rest in peace for a while. On the down side I am most likely going to be working all break but I really do not see it as a down side. While its not a complete break I love the job and I can think of worse ways to spend new years. I got enough down time now to get some R&R as well as a little R&D in. I got a lot on my plate for the summer but that is months out. For right now I am just looking forward to hanging with some close friends and hitting the bars.

It was a crazy few days but I got it done and now I am sitting back on my romantic ideals and nomadic tendencies. This should be fun. I wish more of the rutgers crowd would be around this break. Jordan, Steph, and John are out to mention a few. Well at least I did not lose little kim and Jay over break. It has been to long.

In other news Brother D is off to see mom for a while. They offered to spring for my ticket to go with them but I really did not feel like answering the west coast call this year. I know my cosine Mel is there now and the new jewelry shop just opened out there and I should go see it and make something in the back room to have in the show case but I really have too much to do here. I do not have the time to spend two or three weeks out there. On top of that mom has a way of saying I would love to see you but feel guilty as I break that bank for you. I love her but she needs to be a little more penny wise at times. I would be able to see her more if she was. New Years in C.A is great and I love my mother dearly but I rather she save some cash on me for a while and go all out at the end of this summer. If I only get shot a year at this, might as well make it count. After all mom rocks. That and S.F does not have any decent bars to speak of really. None worth mentioning at least.

Finals.

2005-12-12T05:19:43Z

So its the final run down. Welcome to grind week. I am not scared though. I have to thank the crazy russian from floor from first semester at Rutgers. He was right. If you hit the book hard early on you can be lazy and care less about the end of the semester. Still even though I am sitting with high marks now is not the time to kick back and not care. I am holding a very possible 4.0. My developmental psi class could be the only thing to stop me. I really have to be careful in that class, other wise I am good. Since I got the bar back I am going to pop the bottle of aged Italian champagne if get a four point this semester. With any luck I will pop it.

In other news, I hit up the bar tonight with the guys for the first time in months. I have to say; I needed that. It really had been to damn long. Between that and hanging at Panera with Christina it was a dam good day. This weekend I really put a hurt on my liver. Opened the bar at Shawns house last Friday. We drank ourselves in to a nice little laughing fit that night. Vicky puked but all others had one hell of a great time. On that note, heres to drinking with good company. I miss doing this ever weekend. Once every few months is not nearly enough. I maybe keeping busy these days but shit. A man has to get out every once in a while. Even if its just for late night coffee and laughs. It helps keep my mental state in the black. Music, liquor, friends, good food, its all part of a great life.

Also while I am writing I may have finally pulled it off. I am a bit hesitant to get this kicked off but come the 1st of the year I will be a market player. I have enough cash to start making some real market moves. Stocks. If I got the numbers right I should be able to get my A.S and close the door on my loans the same damn day. My graduation gift to myself is being debt free as I head out to take on the B.S.

But enough about cash and more on last week. First about Lauren. Ok, I like the girl yeah she is cool but god I wish she would hear me when I say she has no idea about what goes on around her. Clueless may work for that damsel in distress look but past that it is a major headache. There is cute and there is a forced cry for attention. I took her in to the city and showed her around a bit because she wanted to see the city. I introduced her to dim sum and showed her how to get around the subway but past that it was just two friends hanging out. I had to hear from a few different people about her bitching that I did not ask her out. While this may seem cruel, fucking DUH! She and I have talked for hours on the why she and I will more then likely never be an item. Well at least she did not have to find out the hard way. She and I just see the world too differently. She sees what she wants and I see what others want. On the up side I got to see a wing of the Met that I had never been in before while I was in the city. That was fun. She has always been sweet to me there is no question about that but kindness and understanding are two very different things. I am grateful for the kindness but feel annoyed for the lack of understanding.(this might be edited later)

May I just be quoted as say,"Ga?"

2005-12-05T22:51:22Z

Well ok its been an odd last few days. For one thing I got the bar back. To everyone who said it would not happen, HA. Ok I was just as surprised as anyone but sure enough all 22 bottles are back. I have liquor high test now it seems. Everything is two years older then the label says. All of these liquors are stronger then they say they are. This is one of two stunning things that dear old dad has done. The second is he actually picked up the tab on my tuition bill. That is 4k in loans I for one and happy I will not have to deal with after I get out. I think the fact that I am investing now may have something to do with this kindness. Its nice to have an old enemy in my corner and helping me.

So in other news I been spending a few nights at the dinner recently and this has been both good and bad. On the up side its nice to see friends that look at you with a zeal like admiration. Helps boost the confidence as well as brighten a persons out look. Hanging out there at night has made my anti-social school seem like less of a problem or at least is numbing me out to the fact that it is hard as hell to make friends there. Other friends in town help to.(like Erika, Nima, Shawn, Chris, et al) Speaking of Erika though I hung out with her the other night and that was a trip.

I got out of work early(like 10:30pm) and called her up cause I promised her to hang out and we first headed over to Angilo's house because I wanted to introduce her to the guys and pick up my sweater. She brought me sesame flavored poky from japan that her grandma sent over as a belated birthday gift. She is really a sweet girl. We hung out there for an hour and watched family while all played poker.(No, I did not buy in)I think she felt a bit out of place so I got my sweat shirt and we headed out to applebees to meet up with my brother, christina, vicky, dave, and shawn. On the way apple bees I felt bad that she felt out of place and Erika being and x-hebrew school teacher laid down the guilt real heavy. I have not felt that guilty since I was a little kid trying to talk to my grandma. Good lord its the kind of guilt that makes one want run in to high speed traffic. Still once we hit applebees I set up the girl of a million allergies with a toasted almond knowing that the drink does not have a single nut product in it.(yes she is allergic to nuts) She seemed to like it and the night got better from there. While continuing to pull on my guilt strings she had a ball with all present and then nima, josh L. and jason joined in the fun and we had a party of about 10 people. This got broken up over last call and Erika, Shawn, Nima, Josh L., Jason, and I ended up at PQ. Erika, being the highly innocent girl that she is, got a fast lesson in the down right perversion of our little group. She turned nearly 3 shades of red as we ran through the fun of our usual jokes. Still she laughed her ass off and had a good time which was nice. From here we kind of had to call it a night because it started snowing pretty bad.

Oh and the shock of last Sunday nights dinner run. Lisa is off to the Navy. She ships out in February. I have known her since she was like 14. Granted ok thats only 4 years but still while I think she can handle it she does not seem at all like the military type. She would agree with me that she is a short, cute, spastic, girl that is awesome but not the lets go fight a war type. Crazy man.

Even after all this craziness I still have a few things in the back of my head pulling at my sleeve. I just can not wait until winter break is here and the cash flows in and everyones home to chill with. In the meanwhile I have to just keep it together for another 2 weeks. Grind on down and get around to putting myself in a spot to get done with school altogether soon.

Once upon a time, in a bar not too far away...

2005-11-28T07:24:16Z

I am starting to learn that karma really does work both ways. The last week has been pretty good for the most part. In reflection I really feel like the more good I do these last couple of days has been repaid in some small way. Of course being a dick at times has earned me moments of frustration but nothing that I really did not have coming. Example given last night at Dave H.s house. Drinking hanging out good times but I had made a bit of a foul play earlier in the night. While hanging around Chris calls me out on something of a chauvinistic comment I had made earlier and was forced to swallow my pride and bite the bullet in mixed company. While fully feeling like a complete ass for it I could not help but in some way be grateful for the experience because I know it will be a while before I say such things again. Self refinement is a great thing. I look forward to doing him the same favor if he step out of line, HA. Still it was a good night none the less for it.

Following this we have this weekend. First the reason for this title is due to a girl I met or more accurately re-met this last Friday. A cute girl that is a friend of Amanda, Mama Ds friend, that I have no recollection of ever meeting. This is odd only because I am sure I would have remembered a girl like this. She is cool, fun, and seems pretty laid back. Just my luck though that as I am getting to know her she mentions a boyfriend. Well still I am looking forward to hanging out with her at some point this week to find out more about her. Who knows I might gain a new bar bud.

This brings me to work this week. It seems I am one of the top three in the bar. I do not know if that means I am just that good, or the restaurant is in that much trouble. Still I have heard more then my share of complements while tending there so I am guessing a good thing. I was good enough that during inventory this month end they seem to hand me two bottles and go here take. Granted these where liquors I would never drink but hell I am only to happy to add them to my bar. Then again cash this week was a complete disaster due to the lack of traffic. I will take payment anyway I can after this bombshell weekend. I figure I have to pull in at least 275 a week to make ends at the end of each month. Looks like I will be getting more creative then brown bagging it for a while.